Why Do Women Have to Smile So Much to Be Liked?

We all read facial expressions and make subtle, or not so subtle, judgments about people based on what those expressions seem to convey. In general, a smile is warm and welcoming. Study after study has shown that people are drawn to someone who is smiling and less likely to approach someone with a relaxed or impassive look on their face.

This seems like an obvious fact and one that is likely routed in evolution. Historically a predator would probably not be smiling at you and a friendly person wasn’t likely to be bearing his teeth angrily. But the gender differences in this area are notable. Women tend to be questioned more often when they are not “putting on a happy face.”

In one study, gender neutral looking babies dressed in yellow and green were paraded in front of subjects who were then asked to identify the sex of each baby. Babies who were seen as smiling or cooing were identified as girls and the babies who were fussy or cried were tagged as boys. Women often report feeling compelled by social norms to smile more often then men do. A smiling face is associated more frequently with a feminine quality.

Yale psychology professor, Marianne LaFrance is the author of the book, Why Smile? The Science Behind Facial Expressions. Her book sites a number of studies, which explain why women seem to smile more often than men. One theory is that females tend to be more empathetic and expressive than males. Autopsies actually show that women have larger zygomaticus majors – or smile muscles. It is unclear if females are born this way or if they exercise those muscles so frequently over a lifetime that they simply grow larger.

More women tend to be in service-oriented positions that require friendly customer service. Women also tend to be the primary caretaker for children, a job that definitely benefits from a smiling face.

But stay at home dads tend to smile as frequently as stay at home moms do and when women are in positions of power they tend towards the surly affect that one might see in an alpha male, but unfortunately they often face harsh criticism for their lack of cheerfulness. A male with the same expression might be judged as confident and superior while a woman may acquire a less than flattering descriptor to explain her attitude.

Even though there are naturally occurring smiles, smiling in large part is a learned behavior. Females, even infant girls, learn this skill faster and more adeptly than males do. While there is nothing inherently wrong with smiling, the problem arises when we feel the need to do so despite what we are actually feeling. Taken in the extreme this can create a deep sense of cognitive dissonance and can even lead to symptoms of depression.

A healthy alternative would be to find the middle ground between the need to smile all the time in order to be liked, and an awareness and avoidance of defaulting into what some may call a nasty or mean expression. That would certainly be a more authentic way to interact with others. Paying attention to what your expression conveys, intentionally or otherwise is a valuable social skill to develop.

If you are male, what is your reaction to a woman who has a stern or impassive expression?

If you are female, do you find yourself smiling when you don’t mean it and if so, why?