An expert look at why people cheat

Being cheated on: Many of us wonder and worry about it — and some of us have to work very hard to recover from this devastating experience. To help address your questions on all facets of this topic. Here, we share her wise advice on how lies and infidelity can threaten a relationship — and what to do if you find yourself navigating this rocky romantic territory.

Q: What is the main reason for cheating in relationships?

Dr. Gilda: There are many reasons why people cheat. Sometimes it’s what they saw in the house they grew up in. Sometimes all their buddies are doing the same thing. Sometimes it’s because cheaters don’t feel good about themselves and look for people who will make them feel better. Sometimes a cheater’s relationship is crashing and he or she doesn’t want to deal with that reality, so cheating gets used as a bandage. And sometimes a person is so self-centered and egocentric that all he (or she) can think of is me, me, me. So there are many different reasons why people cheat. Your objective (and all singles should do this) is to make sure that you size somebody up before you become deeply, emotionally involved. And when you do, if you see a pattern that existed in that person’s behavior in the past you’ll pretty much be able to predict the behavior that this person is going to demonstrate in the future.


Q: How do people deal with the guilt of cheating?
Somebody who cheats is looking for justification and rationalization more than anything else. So, he or she usually finds a way out in his or her own mind so that there isn’t any guilt. It’s often the person who’s cheated on who feels that he or she must have done something wrong to have caused it. My advice is to look more carefully at what’s going on before deciding to take the burden of blame onto yourself.