Wednesday 29 May 2013

Can You Ever Recall

MARRIED OR NOT, YOU SHOULD
READ THIS ... “When I got home that night
as my wife served dinner, I
held her hand and said, I’ve
got something to tell you. She
sat down and ate quietly.
Again I observed the hurt in her eyes. Suddenly I didn’t know how
to open my mouth. But I had
to let her know what I was
thinking. I want a divorce. I
raised the topic calmly. She
didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked
me softly, why? I avoided her question. This
made her angry. She threw
away the chopsticks and
shouted at me, you are not a
man! That night, we didn’t talk
to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted
to find out what had
happened to our marriage. But
I could hardly give her a
satisfactory answer; she had
lost my heart to Jane. I didn’t love her anymore. I just pitied
her! With a deep sense of guilt, I
drafted a divorce agreement
which stated that she could
own our house, our car, and
30% stake of my company.
She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who
had spent ten years of her life
with me had become a
stranger. I felt sorry for her
wasted time, resources and
energy but I could not take back what I had said for I
loved Jane so dearly. Finally
she cried loudly in front of me,
which was what I had
expected to see. To me her cry
was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had
obsessed me for several weeks
seemed to be firmer and
clearer now. The next day, I came back
home very late and found her
writing something at the
table. I didn’t have supper but
went straight to sleep and fell
asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day
with Jane. When I woke up,
she was still there at the table
writing. I just did not care so I
turned over and was asleep
again. In the morning she presented
her divorce conditions: she
didn’t want anything from
me, but needed a month’s
notice before the divorce. She
requested that in that one month we both struggle to
live as normal a life as possible.
Her reasons were simple: our
son had his exams in a month’s
time and she didn’t want to
disrupt him with our broken marriage. This was agreeable to me. But
she had something more, she
asked me to recall how I had
carried her into out bridal
room on our wedding day. She
requested that every day for the month’s duration I carry
her out of our bedroom to the
front door ever morning. I
thought she was going crazy.
Just to make our last days
together bearable I accepted her odd request. I told Jane about my wife’s
divorce conditions. . She
laughed loudly and thought it
was absurd. No matter what
tricks she applies, she has to
face the divorce, she said scornfully. My wife and I hadn’t had any
body contact since my divorce
intention was explicitly
expressed. So when I carried
her out on the first day, we
both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is
holding mommy in his arms.
His words brought me a sense
of pain. From the bedroom to
the sitting room, then to the
door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms.
She closed her eyes and said
softly; don’t tell our son about
the divorce. I nodded, feeling
somewhat upset. I put her
down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to
work. I drove alone to the
office. On the second day, both of us
acted much more easily. She
leaned on my chest. I could
smell the fragrance of her
blouse. I realized that I hadn’t
looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I
realized she was not young
any more. There were fine
wrinkles on her face, her hair
was graying! Our marriage had
taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I
had done to her. On the fourth day, when I
lifted her up, I felt a sense of
intimacy returning. This was
the woman who had given
ten years of her life to me. On
the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of
intimacy was growing again. I
didn’t tell Jane about this. It
became easier to carry her as
the month slipped by. Perhaps
the everyday workout made me stronger. She was choosing what to
wear one morning. She tried
on quite a few dresses but
could not find a suitable one.
Then she sighed, all my dresses
have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so
thin, that was the reason why
I could carry her more easily. Suddenly it hit me… she had
buried so much pain and
bitterness in her heart.
Subconsciously I reached out
and touched her head. Our son came in at the moment
and said, Dad, it’s time to carry
mom out. To him, seeing his
father carrying his mother out
had become an essential part
of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and
hugged him tightly. I turned
my face away because I was
afraid I might change my mind
at this last minute. I then held
her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the
sitting room, to the hallway.
Her hand surrounded my neck
softly and naturally. I held her
body tightly; it was just like
our wedding day. But her much lighter weight
made me sad. On the last day,
when I held her in my arms I
could hardly move a step. Our
son had gone to school. I held
her tightly and said, I hadn’t noticed that our life lacked
intimacy. I drove to office….
jumped out of the car swiftly
without locking the door. I
was afraid any delay would
make me change my mind…I walked upstairs. Jane opened
the door and I said to her,
Sorry, Jane, I do not want the
divorce anymore. She looked at me, astonished,
and then touched my
forehead. Do you have a
fever? She said. I moved her
hand off my head. Sorry, Jane,
I said, I won’t divorce. My marriage life was boring
probably because she and I
didn’t value the details of our
lives, not because we didn’t
love each other anymore. Now
I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding
day I am supposed to hold her
until death do us apart. Jane
seemed to suddenly wake up.
She gave me a loud slap and
then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked
downstairs and drove away.
At the floral shop on the way,
I ordered a bouquet of flowers
for my wife. The salesgirl
asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote,
I’ll carry you out every
morning until death do us
apart. That evening I arrived home,
flowers in my hands, a smile
on my face, I run up stairs,
only to find my wife in the
bed -dead. My wife had been
fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane
to even notice. She knew that
she would die soon and she
wanted to save me from the
whatever negative reaction
from our son, in case we push through with the divorce.—
At least, in the eyes of our son
—- I’m a loving husband…. The small details of your lives
are what really matter in a
relationship. It is not the
mansion, the car, property, the
money in the bank. These
create an environment conducive for happiness but
cannot give happiness in
themselves. So find time to be your
spouse’s friend and do those
little things for each other that
build intimacy. Do have a real
happy marriage! If you don’t share this,
nothing will happen to you. If you do, you just might save
a marriage. Many of life’s
failures are people who did not
realize how close they were to
success when they gave up. Remember love is the richest
of all treasures. Without it
there is nothing; and with it
there is everything. Love
never perishes , even if the
bones of a lover are ground fine like powder. Just as the
perfume of sandalwood does
not leave it, even if it is
completely ground up,
similarly the basis of love is
the soul, and it is indestructible and therefore eternal. Beauty
can be destroyed , but not
love.
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